My family bugs me, no doubt, and I would be happier moving back out to be on my own. The problem with this is I currently do not make enough to fully support myself any more. This, of course, just makes things all around worse between me and God. Please allow me to further help you understand the situation. My family has got to be the most broken family in America and I want nothing more than to get the heck away from them. I would like to start all over doing my best not to allow another monstrosity like my current family to happen again. I have begged and pleaded with God for this very thing to happen and what have I gotten so far? It seems I have been forced to move back in with them against my better wishes! You see, when I first gave my life to Christ a few years ago I did a tear filled prayer of wanting to have a “real” relationship with my father. I did this because he most certainly wasn’t much of a father figure when I was growing up. Oh, he was around so it is not so much abandonment issues, it is more physical abuse issues. I used to get the crap kicked out of me regardless if I did something wrong or not. And I say this in a context of he would often blame me for things that I had nothing whatsoever to do with. No matter what proof I could offer I was guilty, no questions asked. He never believed me, never defended me, never supported me, and was never proud of me. Quality time with him was time getting insulted, degraded, and your butt kicked for no good reason. Now I sit in regret and misery to tell you this one extremely important thing: be careful what you pray for because you might just get it. Care for an example beside my own? Try reading Numbers 11:18-20.
“And say thou unto the people, Sanctify yourselves against to morrow, and ye shall eat flesh: for ye have wept in the ears of the LORD, saying, Who shall give us flesh to eat? for [it was] well with us in Egypt: therefore the LORD will give you flesh, and ye shall eat. Ye shall not eat one day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days; [But] even a whole month, until it come out at your nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you: because that ye have despised the LORD which [is] among you, and have wept before him, saying, Why came we forth out of Egypt?”
And now, after leaving my fiance and having to move back in here, my earthly father wants to be a part of my life. Well, I don’t want him to be and the same goes for my brother or any other members of this family, with the exception of my mother and her side of the family. Is it sad? Absolutely! Both my dad and brother have learned absolutely nothing while I was gone. I have changed and they have not! I don’t belong with these people. I feel so out of place living here, like I am an elephant amongst wolves. I know that I have gone off on quite a rant here, but you try moving back in with people that used to beat you as a child and tell you to your face that your to stupid to achieve your dreams. It is not easy to remain happy under such circumstances. I also know that God, in His time, will get me out of here. I just wish it was now. So please, all those whom read this, PRAY FOR ME! I really need it.
P.S. I am not saying that I do not love my family because I do, I just can’t live with them(My Dads side anyways, I have nothing wrong with my mothers side). And after writing this and getting all this out I feel much better. Granted, it is not all my fathers fault or my brothers, some of it is my pushing them away also. And a lot of me pushing them away comes from unhealed hurts from the past that have festered for far to long. So yes, please do pray for me because I do need it, as well as my own family.
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I have not experienced abuse as you have. But I believe that god’s love is greater than anything we face. When no one elses love seems to suffie, God’s love always goes above and beyond needs or desires. I agree with Kim. I am sure this task of renewing a relationship with your father, or seeking one WIL NOT be easy…….but if you desire it, go for it. As you become closer and closer to christ, the people around you are bound to change because it will have an effecton them. And also as kim stated, you begin to show the love of christ faithful and present in your life by the way you live and handle certain situations differently. show that you have changed because of the power of God, and as you continue to pray and serve, im sure it will all work out.
You most certainly have helped Kim. I can aslo tell that you spoke from experience.
My fathers side of the family drives me crazy, absolutly crazy! The one that probably bugs me the most is my brother, whom does nothing more than sitting around smoking pot and getting drunk all day. He got his drivers license suspended a little over 6 months ago and is capable of getting it reinstated, but he does not because doing so requires him to install a breathaliser in his vehicle. So, instead of doing the right thing, He has taken to bumming rides off of other people. Now he just got fired from his job for stealing and I have yet to see him get up off his behind to find a new job. Yes, he doesn’t have a car, but he is a 5 minute walk from a couple of strip malls that have plenty of places he could apply for. My Familly drives me batty!!!
Anonymous Soldier,
I can just SO relate to your feelings toward your dad and your family in general. Without knowing much about you, I can empathize with your family situation. My dad emotionally abused me growing up. He always blamed, always accused, and never got involved unless I did something wrong or he suspected that I was doing something wrong. I prayed a similar prayer to yours when I was in college. I asked the Lord to restore my relationship with my dad. I wanted to be his little girl again. It was a painful road, and it’s definitely not done, but I can tell you that God answered that prayer in so many ways that I didn’t understand.
As I read this post, I could see God answering your prayer to have a real relationship with your dad. You’re right, it WILL require a lot of healing. And healing hurts. Sometimes deeper than the hurt itself, because you basically relive the pain as you sort through it and give it to God. But you wanted to have a real relationship with your dad, and now you have the opportunity. Don’t be too quick to want to escape from the situation you’re in now. God knows what is best for you in answering that prayer, even if it doesn’t seem best to you. Can you imagine that living with your father might be exactly what God wants to use to heal your broken relationship with him?
If you can find a place in your heart to respect your father and try to see his love for you underneath all the pain and hurt he caused you, then you can start to put yourself in his shoes. I’m not saying physical abuse is okay – by no means. And neither was my father’s emotional abuse to me. But I can look back now and see that his heart motive was out of love and fear for my future. He so desperately wanted me to stay on a good path and be a successful person, especially in the ways that he failed growing up. He didn’t go about it in all the right ways, but he did what he was able to do in the moment. I needed to reach a place of forgiving him for all the hurt he caused me. And I did that through writing letters to him. I couldn’t tell him how God was working in me face-to-face, but I could write to him. And I did. And that was a huge step for me in communicating what I wanted our relationship to look like.
When I got home from college for the summer after my first year, I had changed so much, and I so desperately wanted to have a different relationship with my dad. But when I moved back home for the summer, and his attitude toward me was still the same, I was so disappointed. I felt like you feel now, from what you have described. But I didn’t realize at the time that I couldn’t expect my dad or anyone else in my family to change just because I had changed. The only thing I COULD control was how I chose to interact with them. It was hard, and I made many mistakes. But over time, I came to a place where my dad’s heart DID start to change toward me, because I changed first.
When he would nag or yell or ridicule, I had to do my best to respond out of love and obedience. It’s hard. Especially when all you want to do is yell, fight back, or run away. Don’t run away. Let God change your heart and through you, change your dad’s heart. With the Lord ALL THINGS are possible. He can change your father’s heart. It’s not up to you to change him – but you can influence him. I know from experience.
Please hold on. Don’t give up. There is hope. Even with these current living arrangements. Let them see that you are different. Let them see the changes in your heart. BE the changes that you want to see in your family. LIVE the way you want them to live. And when you don’t have the patience to deal with their lack of change – press into Christ.
Praying for you. Thanks for sharing so openly. I hope this helps.
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