I am Cinderella

“She’s pulling at me,
Saying ‘Dad, I need you, There’s a ball at the castle and I’ve been invited and I need to practice my dancing. Oh, please, Daddy, please?’
So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms.”
Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman
—

I was that princess once. I was 3, and my dad had taught me how to ride a tricycle.
I don’t remember another time of being my dad’s little princess.

My dad left when I was 5.
I was okay with it at the time, as he was never home to begin with.

Now that I’m older, there is that hole left by my dad that I have so much trouble trying to fill.

“I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it’s killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I’m dying for new life”
Beautiful by Bethany Dillon

Desperate. That’s what it was. That’s what I became.
Desperate for the attention I didn’t have, didn’t know I had.

Any guy that looked my way. Any “hey” or conversation and I was “head over heels” for him. This attracted me to the wrong type of guys. The dangerous type. Soon, I was in a relationship, that was a mistake from the start. I fell “in love” in 2 weeks. 7 months later, I was being accused of cheating because I wanted to hang out with my friends. 2 months and 2 black eyes later, I finally was out of the abusive distress I was in for so long.
Why didn’t I end it sooner? Fear. I was so scared of him, it ate me from the inside out.

I hadn’t been to church in about 5 months because of him, and I finally started going back, and got back involved in 531, and my life group. I was being healed by my accountability partners, and prayer partners. God was really moving in my life. I was finally to this place of, “I don’t need a guy to complete me.”

Around May of 2008, I got into another relationship. A deeper, more serious relationship. He was 2 years older and in college. So, there was a huge time gap between us, and a lot of maturity problems. Parts of that relationship I absolutely will never want to forget, and I still thank him for. But the relationship wasn’t perfect. We fought a lot. We made many mistakes in the relationship. We both said many things we didn’t mean, and we were no where spiritually where we should have been. The ending was a disaster. I was happy and upset that it ended, in that, I really do believe, I loved him. Or what I believed to be love at the time.

More guys I tried to depend on, tried to have accept me, tried to make like me.

Then…something finally…clicked! Seriously almost like a switch in my head went to the ON position.

I didn’t need a guy to make me happy!
I didn’t need a relationship, or someone to text constantly to fill me up!

I needed God. The love of my FATHER! The love of my KING!
God made me the princess I had so longed to be my entire life!
God made me beautiful. God filled that void that I used almost ANYTHING to fill.
God brought me out of a desperate for guys attention phase into a desperate for HIM place!

Every now and then, Satan tries to control my mind and tell me that I do need someone, that I can’t be alone, that I’m not beautiful, that I’m not worth anything.
But, I remember the role God plays in my life, and remember that God is more than enough, and God is ALL I EVER NEED and all those thoughts vanish just as fast as they were brought about.

So, I am that princess after all. I am daddy’s little girl.

“You make me beautiful. You make me stand in awe, You look inside my heart and I am amazed. I love to hear you say, who I am is quite enough, You make me worthy of love and beautiful.”
Beautiful by Bethany Dillon

God is all you need.

Sex, Alcohol, Lust, Drugs, Porn, Gossip, Jealousy, Money, etc. WILL NOT FILL YOU UP!
God is everything and more!

God IS everything and more.

And He will ALWAYS love you. No matter what.
He will Always, always, always love you.

No. Matter. What.

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